ZOMG!!!!!!!!1!!1!1!1!!!!!1! vampires, like, totally rule!!!!!!11!!!!!1

Sometimes South Park just speaks to, like, my soul, and my soul is, like, black so I, like, wear lots of black because it’s, like, me and I think I, like, heard that line in a song by, like, some old British dudes. I think Trey Parker (ZOMG! So dreamy!) and Matt Stone have redeemed themselves for the unfunniest episode of South Park ever (the Indiana Jones episode) with this gem here. With references to Hot Topic and Twilight, this was just spot-on. (And this coming from someone who was called a poseur in high school for not being “true Goth enough” despite my “darkling” status, so this was doubly hilarious for me.)

Oh yeah, I saw the Twilight movie over the weekend with a bunch of friends and to sum it up (please remember, this is just my opinion):

  • The acting was crap. Twitchy Stewart and Leaden Pattinson were bordering on painfully boring.
  • The cinematography, however, was not crap – soooooooooo cool, I loved it!
  • Jacob – kinda hot (and I say that in as non-creepy a way as possible).
  • Maryse almost killed me with her commentary, especially when she said, “Ohmygod, creepy!” when Edward was in Bella’s room, which leads me to say, you MUST see a movie with Maryse because you are guaranteed to laugh all the way through it, no matter what the movie may be.
  • Spidermonkey? For real? Awesome!!!
  • Was Jasper not the most unintentionally hilarious character EVER?
  • Ew, what was up with Carlisle? He was so not what I imagined. I was thinking of Cary Ewles in his prime. Charlie on the other hand was better than what I imagined. Meh, go figure!
  • Double-ew, what were thinking with the make-up? Seriously, who did they use? There are way better make-up artists on the MAC site. Did they not consult with this site? Sparkly should not have looked static-y. But then again, maybe that’s just hard to translate onto film.
  • …which leads me to once again say that the day this is made into an anime series, I will go buy the box set immediately because it will be cheestastically fabulous. I will watch it on rainy days and revel in all its tacky over-the-top glory.
  • They should have considered using someone who used to go around telling people he was a vampire when he was a teenager to do the score because, well, he might have had some perspective and in all seriousness would have done a MUCH better job of it than was done (not only that but I hear the tweens love his band – heh).
  • …which leads me to the soundtrack – ugh! I may be far from 17 (and thank crunchy for that! 17 sucked ass), but even I have a basic idea of what angst-ridden teens listen to, and it sure as hell was not most of the music they featured, save for that craptastic Linkin Park which was one of the only bands they went with from the bands that Stephenie Meyer listed as her inspiration. Oh wait! They used that Collective Soul song, too. But still…. Where is the My Chemical Romance, which seems to be the cornerstone of emo today? (It hurt to type that, for the record.) Also, does anyone under 30 actually listen to Iron & Wine? They seem to draw an older crowd. Not that I’m a fan. I may be 34, but I would rather listen to MCR than Iron & Wine. (At least, I would never shop at Hot Topic. Gotta draw the line somewhere.) They used the same person who selected all the music for the O.C., and she has a pretty impressive resume. I am surprised that this fell so flat because I like everything else she has worked on.
  • All in all, I love Catherine Hardwicke (13 was such a powerful movie and I loved Lords of Dogtown), and I actually enjoyed watching this. It was awful and delightful at once. Didn’t hurt that I had extremely low expectations going into it, though. Nor that I had a bunch of people around me who were wise-cracking through it and making me laugh until it hurt.

Okay, that’s enough of my opinion. Happy Monday, folks!


12 thoughts on “ZOMG!!!!!!!!1!!1!1!1!!!!!1! vampires, like, totally rule!!!!!!11!!!!!1

  1. You are totally cracking me up! What a different review you give than my 13 year old Tween Thing who said it was “…OMG AMAZING, and they even had Paramore do some of the music!!!!!”Heh.

  2. as ADD points out, we were not their target. funny to me though:1. i did not notice the soundtrack at all. clearly i’m not a music person. didn’t recognize any songs, have no opinion at all.2. jacob was not as i had imagined him. he kind of creeped me out the first time i saw him. 3. the cinematography was cool, but the bluish cast made me want to adjust the white balance. cloudy does not equal “blue”4. i thought edward was hot. the 16 year old in me would have totally been obsessed with him.

  3. The scene that really put me over the edge was the during Jacob’s legend-telling and the shot of the Cullens “way back when” feeding on a deer in the woods. Srsly, corsets and petticoats? A vest, tie and hat? Really? Really!Like Maryse, I’m so down for margaritas and New Moon!

  4. OMG Pants we laughed so hard at that. I wanted Buster Keaton music to stard playing and for a constable to come along and chase them out of the woods with a nightstick.Re: sparkles, we just thought he looked sweaty. Pam: “If that’s sparkle, well, I sparkle too when I’m left in direct sunlight for a while.”

  5. I'm loving all these reviews, my friends and I laughed our way through it as well and we are much closer to the target audience at 22-23. I did love the soundtrack though – you'd be surprised by how many moody teenagers are into Iron & Wine.

  6. your review has totally convinced me to watch the movie this weekend. especially the jacob part…although now I have to make sure I sound not creepy. He is just already the only character that I kinda liked in the books

  7. I left the theater not knowing if I wanted to see it again, but I think I do. I think I was all wrapped up in “Will it be like the book?” and I missed actually enjoying myself. But I did love Radiohead’s “15 Step” at the end of the prom scene. That was awesome.

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